Captain “It’s-So-Hard-Living-With-Always-Being-Right” and I ended the old year and started the new with a quiet evening watching movies. We drifted off to sleep around 1 am or so.
Around 5 am I awoke with a start and a g0d-awful smell in my nostrils. As our room tends to get very warm easily, Captain “It’s-So-Hard-Living-With-Always-Being-Right” opens up the back door occasionally to let fresh air in. When I exclaimed “What the fuck is that stench?”, he stumbled up and closed the door. We attempted to drift back into peaceful sleep. The smell would not go away. It got worse.
I got up and was about to open up some windows and doors and locate the air freshener when I was greeted by a huge pile left by our latest addition to our dog family. After promptly throwing up in the bathroom, Captain “It’s-So-Hard-Living-With-Always-Being-Right” and I quickly handled the situation and came away with a few lessons learned.
- Beat the living shit out of the neighbor who decided it would be neat to fire off M80’s to celebrate the new year (asshat). It freaked out all the dogs so they wouldn’t go past the sliding glass door when placed outside last night. Hence, Syren (aka “Moobie”) spent her time barking wildly rather than attending to business.
- Diet dog food, while being fantastic with regard to doggie weight loss, will make the shit left by your beloved dog smell worse than putrid, dieing flesh. I’m not kidding here. I’ve smelled some awful stuff. Nothing comes close in comparison.
- Starting off the new year cleaning up dog shit, vacuuming the carpet a half dozen times and running the carpet cleaner 2-3 times is just not the best way to go.
Is there some Chinese good luck proverb that pertains to starting the new year with a pile of dog shit?
