It’s second semester of preschool for both my girls. This September, the now-five year old will be attending kindergarten.

My whole goal this year was to make a couple mommy friends before we all go to kindergarten so I wouldn’t be the only a-hole in my town that doesn’t know anyone after living here seven years.

So I made a couple friends. That live in my town. Come to find out it’s OVER THE IMAGINARY LINE so they’ll be going to the school that’s located in a different town.

My first thought was, “All that work, wasted.” Because I’m an asshat that thinks about how easy it is to be friends with someone. If you’re a hassle to be friends with, I assure you, we won’t be talking all that often. Nothing personal, I’m just not looking for friendships that need the writers of Grey’s Anatomy to script the phone calls.

Of course, if you sound like any of the cast members of Scrubs, call me the hell up already!

Ok, I know you’re just here to hear how I broke my kids. The thing is, I haven’t yet. I’m about to, though. Because I found out a few things, and they’re very timely.

1. My four year old is going to be too tall to be a great gymnast. So this is all for fun, and there are no scholarships in the offing. Which kind of makes it a waste of my time to drive her. Luckily, she looks wicked cute on the balance beam, so that’s buying her some time. (Yes, I know she’s too tall. No, really. I found it out and I promise it’s really true. Feel free to disagree. She’s going to be 5′9″ because everyone in both our families is that height or taller and she’s already tall.)
2. June we have to renew our Taekwando membership for the kids. It’s like two grand for a year (plus a “belt fee” for a new belt every six weeks – you know that bugs me LOL). They are not loving Taekwondo two thousand dollars worth. Just sayin’
3. Dance class will continue because it makes sense. But art class? We shall see.

My kids are used to being in school and having really cool activities they look forward to almost every day of the week…but in order to get back on track with the debt payoff and investment strategy…the kids are going to have to give some shit up.

So they’ll be sad. Because they won’t look at what they have, they’ll look at what they’re losing. I have about six months to figure out how to turn that perception around or I’ll just take them out of everything until they’re used to it then add something back in.

Plus, I generally don’t believe in activities that don’t have college scholarship potential. Just in case they want higher education.

And I am so glad it’s now OVER!

The past ten days have been a nightmare of epic proportions! (though when I think back on things, I see that I was/am definitely lucky in many ways!)

Let’s see. I have worked eight of those ten days, six of them in a row and including Christmas Eve. In retail. That alone had its exhausting and nerve-wracking moments. But then I was coming home to bickering teenagers and a house that would put any post-party frat house on the planet to shame.

I finally came home to a clean house one day, and that was only because the 17 year old wanted to go see his girlfriend. Oh…I mean, spend the night with his girlfriend. I may be a “bad mommy”, but yeah…that’s still not gonna happen with my blessing. I didn’t know whether I was more stunned that he actually thought I would be okay with this, or that the girl’s parents were apparently okay with it. I was really dreading sticking to my guns on the no sleepover rule and all the drama that would bring, but luckily that family had other plans. Whew – for now.

Christmas Eve brought some of the worst weather we’ve had in quite some time, but my teenagers and I struck out for an overnight visit to my out-of-state Mom’s….and I got pulled over for speeding before we ever even got off the road we live on. As it turns out, the kind officer could have written me three tickets (one for speeding and two for improper equipment), but instead let me off with just a headlight warning since “it’s the holidays.” Whew. Again.

I was not so lucky with the teens after that, since they started their hardcore man-drama and name-calling about halfway into the trip. I ignored it for as long as I could, but finally pulled the car over and told them to get out and fight work it out in the wind and rain, then we could continue. They settled their asses down after that, but the weather plagued us for another good hour or so into the trip. What should have taken four and a half hours ended up taking nearly six.

I did manage to have a nice, quiet overnight visit with my wonderful Mom before having to come back Christmas day to get ready for work this weekend, though. And now that I am teenager-free for the rest of the school break? I intend to make it count in every way possible!

In addition to more work, I will be catching up on housework, catching up on my writing, getting ready for renovation, and shopping for new appliances. I know, I know. That’s a lot for a “break”. But I still can’t complain since I’m heading out shortly for a movie & drinks with my bestest friend! And I also have dates planned throughout the week with Peter Steele, Hank III, Jack White, Bradley Cooper, and Jackson Rathbone. Oh, and my true love, Captain Morgan! I plan on spending LOTS of quality time with him!

How are YOU spending the remainder of your holidays?

Right now I’m going through a separation from my husband and I live with my Mother and Step-Dad. I’m thankful to them for all they’ve done for me and basically don’t “talk back” or argue over anything.

Recently my Step-Dad became unemployed so he’s home the entire day. This has become a point of stress for both myself and my child. See my Step-Dad doesn’t know how to talk softly and not seem as if he’s yelling. He is very demanding as well, wanting every toy picked up right away, and no doing it in an hour is not okay.

I do ask my child to clean up her toys, but I don’t ask her to do it right as she finishes with one because she goes between toys. So she may play with Toy A for ten minutes and then move on to Toy B for five and return to Toy A. She cleans up when she’s done playing in general.

But he’s constantly bossing her around. Also he’s really focused on food. I’ve tried to tell them to not worry about how she eats, her blood sugar is fine (she has a disorder called Hyperinsulinism). But he is so concerned about how much she eats and how often she eats that I’m afraid it’s going to lead to some issues for her.

But I don’t say anything, except on the food issue because I don’t like forcing my child to eat beyond her full point.

I just wish he would stop being so demanding on her. She’s just 3.

Pamala @ http://www.becauseishouldcare.com

There was a loaf of zucchini bread on the counter, chock full of healthy vegetable goodness. Next to it a bowl of homemade banana pudding, sprinkled with almonds, and packed with vitamins. On the other side sat whole wheat muffins stuffed with cranberries and blueberries.

My kids?

They stuffed themselves full of chocolate chip cookies and cupcakes drowning in frosting. Then topped it off with red dye flooded fake juice. They waxed poetic about mini chocolate bars and butterscotch candies. They zoned out on the couch with video games and classic cartoons packed with violence. They tried to skip the stuffing in exchange for another slice of cake.

And I fielded questions about what they eat at home, how much TV do they usually watch, and why is your son still so damn skinny? Oh, and when are you going to put your kids in public school like a normal person?

Cue the disapproving looks.

Holidays are even more fun when you’re the bad mom that everyone loves to hate. But at least the socks they got me are warm. That counts for something, right?

Personally, I don’t own a ton of weaponry.  My guy is tops in that category – at last count, a dozen.  I own a Walther P22 with a laser sight attached and a Glock by proxy (prior to owning the Walther, my guy officially declared the Glock as mine).  However, I do have an affinity for weapons and engage in target practice as often as possible.

Before the anti-gun advocates get their panties in a wad, let me first ensure the readers of the post realize that we are exceedingly safe gun owners.  All weapons are locked up and only myself and my guy have access to where they are kept.  My children have all been taught the dangers and responsibilities of gun ownership and one has been out to target practice thus far (the oldest has no desire and the youngest is, well, too young at the moment).

Why an affinity for weaponry?  First, I was on a firing team while in the Army – one of 5 top shots.  Second, I find it to be a stress-relieving activity.  A lot of focus and attention is required when engaging in target practice.  After an hour of blowing holes in a target, I find I’m rather relaxed – better than any bubble bath or craptastic crotcheted scarf I could produce.

While this doesn’t necessarily make me a “bad mommy”, I think it makes me an “odd mommy”.  Oh, and a mommy that finds relaxation in something other than scrapbooking, macramé, or Internet stalking.

There has been a lot of talk online lately about kids getting away and getting into trouble.

First there was the tragic death of a 2-year-old that drowned in the pool while his mother was using Twitter. Then the 4-year-old boy who snuck out at night and picked up drunk, wearing a dress, and stealing Christmas presents. Some may ask what the hell are parents doing (and not doing) these days?

So let me share my story.

My oldest loved to sneak out. Out of bed at night and out of the house during the day. He was the master of finding a way to escape to freedom. I still remember sitting on the toilet, pants around my ankles, and hearing my neighbor yell at me from across the yard.

“Summer! Your kid is on the front porch again!”

He managed to climb the end table, reach the deadbolt, and escape. Suddenly I felt like the world’s crappiest parent for just needing to crap. Kids are masters of finding some way to seek out trouble.

This isn’t exactly new. Once upon a time moms chatted over the back fence while the kids ran around the neighborhood. It was a lot like Twitter, except with less porn spam and make money online gimmicks. Once upon a time parents worked brutal hours and a 7-year-old might be expected to watch two or three younger siblings for a few hours. Without the help of afternoon cartoons and 911 at their fingertips. Once upon a time there were no fancy locks and alarms to keep kids in their houses. Midnight mischief was an anticipated event. Hell, there are even nursery rhymes about it.

Girls and boys, are come out to play,
The moon doth shine as bright as day;
Leave your supper, and leave your sleep,
And come with your playfellows into the street.

All I’m saying is that these occurrences are not new things. We’re not talking about random parents who suddenly decided to jump the ship on this parenthood thing. You just cannot follow your kids around all day and night like a crazed stalker trying to make sure nothing bad ever happens.

Well you can, but you better have a trust fund set up for their therapy later.

Bad shit happens. Even to the most perfectest perfectest perfectest parent ever. Bad shit happens. When it’s really bad it’s a tragedy. When it’s kinda bad we’ll all probably laugh about it later (my son moved from escaping every time I went to the bathroom to following me and never giving me an ounce of privacy, heh). Just because you’ve been lucky doesn’t mean you’ve earned the right to attack the unlucky parents. Frankly, that’s just asking for karma to convince your kid to steal the car at 11.

Ever see that movie “Mean Girls“? Ever wonder what happens when girls like that reach adulthood? Apparently some of them become Mommy bloggers.

I’m not going to get into naming names and linking to other blogs because a) it’s not an isolated incident and b) why give them the traffic? Sure, it’s been happening a lot this week but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen it. It’s just the first time I’ve seen it taken to this level.

So let’s talk about it in general, shall we?

Anyone who has survived junior high knows what bullying is. When someone tries to intimidate you, threaten you, scare you or exert some kind of imaginary control over you, that’s bullying. A lot of the time it involves a group of people, sometimes it’s just one person, and sometimes it’s a mob of people following around one person like a flock of sheep.

Stalkers, on the other hand….well, that’s usually just one person. A cyberstalker will obsessively Google your name, read your blogs, spy on your Twitter stream, maybe even create fake profiles in an attempt to befriend you if they can’t get access to your private profiles.

Personally, I don’t get the mentality behind either one of these. I’m thinking that the Internet gives them some kind of courage that they don’t have in real life. Me? I’d never say something to you online that I didn’t have the balls to back up in real life. And I certainly don’t try to rally up a bunch of others to help fight my battles for me. As far as the stalkers go, they’re usually people who have some sort of insecurity or jealousy issue that creates and fuels their obsession with the stalkee. (Or, in some cases, they’re mentally unstable, delusional or paranoid and they think that everything you write or say online is about them.)

The common denominator between bullies and stalkers is the fact that they are, for lack of a more entertaining term, chicken shits. They have nothing more interesting or productive to do with their free time than harass someone else. Sometimes that little voice of reason and sanity will speak up and ask them “What the hell are you doing?!” and they might decide that maybe it’s time to just let it go. But that rarely ever lasts very long.

What a sad, sad way to live.

There’s not really a point to this post, just an observation rather than a lecture. I’ve learned through personal experience that the best way to get rid of these people is to just ignore them. Don’t acknowledge them or give them the attention they so desperately seek and they’ll get bored and move on to something or someone else.

I will say that the behaviors of some of the Mom bloggers this year, especially this week, is just beyond fucking stupid. How OLD are you? Really. Threatening to send people to their house to beat them up? Telling people you’re not going to be their Internet friend anymore if you even talk to the other person? Wow. Real mature. I bet all of those PR companies that keep sending all of that free shit to you are really proud to be working with you, huh? I know if I was the head of some big company, I’d be PROUD to be represented by a bunch of grown women who think they’re Hot Shit and act like a bunch of third graders who managed to get around Mommy’s website blocker to play on Twitter. /sarcasm

Ladies, you’re giving yourselves a bad name. No one takes you as seriously as you take yourselves. The Motrin moms, the Blog Her swag, the PR Blackout… keep it up and you’ll end up being such a liability that you might find yourselves going weeks or even months without the Fed Ex guy showing up at your door with more free shit to gush about. Oh noes!!!!! THEN what will you write about on your blogs??

*insert eyeroll here*

If I want to bottle feed and am looking for the best bottle, I don’t need a breastfeeder using me as an excuse to make herself feel better about her choices using me and a social networking site and a little dig to do it.

My reasons for bottle feeding are mine and mine alone. Maybe they’re amazing reasons. Maybe they’re medical. Maybe they’re awful and selfish. Maybe I just don’t wanna.

I really can’t imagine a remotely smart person would consider going toe to toe with me to try and tell me that my children will be deficient somehow for my not breastfeeding them longer than six weeks.

Because you know what, breastfeeders? You NEED to give your kids those extra 10 IQ points so they’ll be able to keep up with my kids even AFTER mine are down ten points. That’s not my fault, that’s genetics, clean livin’ and mostly a whole shitload of luck.

Besides. The studies that show all the awesomeness of breastfeeding are following mothers that are ABLE to breastfeed, which is mostly middle-class chicks with lives that accommodate that kind of dedication. Which means it could TOTALLY be causation rather than cause and effect. You know, because mothers who breastfeed are also the ones that read to their kids and do all the other “make your kid smart and healthy” crap.

I figure if I do everything but breastfeed I’m still ahead of the curve.

Honestly, I know I sound like I hate breastfeeders and I’m bitter. Let me be clear, I only hate breastfeeders who think I’m less of a mom for not breastfeeding – of course you and I both know that’s most of you – because you’re judgy women who cling to your high horse while you’re physically attached to your infant for up to god knows how many years.

Letting your child make your life choices for you (like child-led weaning) is just scary. Because let’s be honest, that’s not the only decision you’re going to let your child make. If it was it would be fine…but you’re going to be a child-centered parent and your kids are going to grow up to be huge, entitled, douchebags.

Or not. It’s not like I’m inside of every mom’s mind. But just back the fuck off about my bottle feeding. My kid’s going to be just fine, thanks.

me.

For being such a dipshit that I couldn’t get my mouth to form the word “NO” when asked if I would babysit for a spunky, opinionated 3 year old.

I’m a decent babysitter, if they are of a certain age. The age that doesn’t require a constant, vigilant eye to catch the little turds before they start themselves or the house on fire.

But I just couldn’t say “No”. I couldn’t just mouth that one word that would have saved me from this horrible despair that is life with a toddler. And for three fucking days I agreed to this.

Things probably wouldn’t be so bad if the mother of this little angel didn’t think it was wise to lay down with the child every night in order to get her to go to sleep. What kind of a life does this woman lead? I mean we all know that by the end of  a long day, the very act of getting horizontal elicits instant slumber. So why would you make it a point to train the child that going to sleep requires mommy laying next to you for several minutes. Because where I come from, this usually mean that mommy is asleep before that kid is 9 times out of 10.

So I just spent over an hour laying with a dear sweet kid, in the dark, counting all the things I could be doing to get my house ready for the morning spectacular, waiting for the breathing to become regular, for the restless little body to stop moving and for the sweet sound of little kid snoring.

The only thing that kept me awake was the conversation I am planning on having with this child’s mother when she returns in a few days. It will go something like this….

I know you are single right now and your child is all you have to live for, but trust me when I say that in the future there will be another man (or woman) who you will want to spend your short, precious evenings with, perhaps even get naked with. But this will not be a reality because you have trained your child to only sleep when your body is nuzzled up against hers. Nothing kills passion like a kid that won’t go to sleep. So start now, work on it every night, and although it may seem hard at first, life is better when you sleep in your bed sans the kid.

But who knows, maybe its just me. Perhaps I’m just the only parent that thinks my kid sleeping with me when they are over 2  is just creepy. But I like my adult time, and in this world that time occurs after the kids go to sleep. In their own beds. Alone.

I’m running away she says for the 3rd time this month. Ok, why are you running away? I ask. You yelled at me. (I asked her 3 times to wash for dinner the forth time I yell) should I help you pack? she starts to cry. whats wrong? I thought you wanted to run away. I can’t live with out you and daddy she blubbers out. No you’ll be fine, lets see what you packed. 5 pears of socks, 2 per of thin night pants, 2 long sleeved cotton shirts, her piggy bank (smart kid),and some toys. (it’s really cold and dark out side). do you want a slice of bread and some fruit to take with you? She cry’s some more I don’t want to leave. well I don’t want you to go ether but I am tired of you saying you want to run away. I wont do it again I promise.

sigh! I feel like I am the worst mom ever, she is 7 and already wants to run away from home! what’s it going to be like when she is 16?

Really frustrated mom